Taking the "Panic" Out of a Panic Attack
- Michael Reilly
- Jan 16
- 6 min read
Last night, I had a panic attack for the first time in years. Like my previous panic attacks, it came at night, it came out of nowhere, and it felt like I was dying. Unlike any of my previous panic attacks, I navigated it with calm and poise, treated my symptoms, and put myself to bed like it was any other night.
If you've ever had a panic attack before, you might understand how noteworthy this is. A panic attack is pretty much the scariest thing that has happened to me that wasn't an immediate threat to my life. When I say "it felt like I was dying," I mean it in the literal sense. My heart races, my head spins, my vision goes dark and splotchy, and my balance teeters — it's like I'm blacking out in slow-motion.
So if a panic attack is so terrifying from the inside out, how is it possible that I could keep my cool through the whole thing and bring myself down to a normal state of calm?
12 Months of Training
The answer is that I've been training for this. People who know me well know that I've been "working on myself" for decades now, which ultimately led to me quitting my job and become a full-time professional coach. One of the biggest recent steps in my journey has been a self-development program called Positive Intelligence (PQ).
For the last 12 months, I've been immersed in Positive Intelligence, training myself to use my mind and my senses to overcome negative inputs, unwanted thoughts, and life-long habits of self-sabotage. I've been training myself to remain present and focused; to use my energy to be aware of what's really happening, find gifts and opportunities in every circumstance, and to solve problems rather than sit in the negative emotions that are making me aware of the problems.
Putting that Training to Real Use
When my panic attack began last night, I was standing upright in the shower. My head started spinning like I had stood up too fast. My vision contracted and got splotchy. I felt like I could go down any moment.
My training kicked in. I thought, 'stay present in this moment. Keep calm and pay attention to what you're feeling.' I immediately understood that I felt dizzy and that I felt like I might pass out; I understood that this felt like a panic attack. 'Good, I can do something with that.' I crouched down onto one knee and leaned against the side of the tub. 'Okay, now I won't get hurt if I do pass out. What else am I feeling?' I noticed that I was in a hot shower. I remembered that I had a couple of beers earlier in the night, which meant my blood was a little thinner than usual. 'I'm probably dehydrated. I need to get out of the shower, sit down, drink some water, breathe, and wait this thing out.' I peeked out of the shower curtain and saw that my water glass was not in the bathroom. 'I must have left it in the bedroom.' Since my balance was affected, the safest way for me to get the water was with some help. My partner was asleep in the bedroom, so I called out to her. No answer. I tried paging her using a smart speaker in our bedroom. No answer. I tried calling her phone. No answer. 'Do I need to call 911?' I took this question seriously. I knew I didn't want to die because I was overconfident and didn't ask for help when I really needed it. 'My panic attacks have always passed, so I don't think I need an ambulance. Can I stand and make my way to the bedroom?' I slowly stood up, and felt the blood leave my head again, my vision blurring again, my balance suffering. 'Okay, staying close to the ground works better for me right now.' I bent at the knees and waist, turned off the shower, wrapped myself in a towel, and carefully made my way to the bedroom. In this half-crouched position, my balance was fine, and my vision stabilized. 'Good.' I made it to my water, took a sip, and woke my partner. "Honey? I think I'm having a panic attack. Will you please help me?" She got up and followed me back to the bathroom, where I sat, wrapped in a towel, and slowly sipped my water. I described what I was feeling and what had happened. My partner was amazed at my calm.
I stayed focused on my sensations. Being aware of what I was feeling kept any of it from surprising me. This was the first time that a panic attack didn't drive me into a literal panic. About 10 minutes later, the attack had passed. My vision was back to normal. I stood up very very slowly and found that I was okay. "I might have had my knees locked when it started," I suggested to my partner, remembering my high school choir conductor teaching us that locking your knees can affect the flow of blood in your body and even lead to passing out.
Once I had enough water and found that my balance was back to normal, I went ahead and finished my shower. My connection to the moment — to what I was feeling, to what was really happening to me, to what was truly important in each moment — led me next to recognize that I hadn't eaten much that day, so I had a late-night snack (a Google search revealed that pistachios were a good food to eat if you need something close to bedtime). I finally felt ready to put myself to bed and get a good night's sleep.
The last 12 months of training prepared me for this experience where I felt like my life might be in danger, and I calmly worked my way through it. It was far from an ideal bedtime routine, yet it got me to where I needed to be. In the past, my panic attacks were accompanied by panic. This time, it was accompanied by even-tempered awareness. The power of my own work towards self-mastery was on full display.
Why Am I Still Having Panic Attacks?
If I'm so competent in self-mastery now, why am I still having panic attacks?
This training I've gone through — a year practicing Positive Intelligence, alongside more than a year of coaching — has been life-changing. However, it goes to show that it doesn't make the challenges in my life disappear. These challenges are deeply ingrained — I've been having some form of panic attacks since I was a child, and my self-sabotaging habits and behaviors have been there for even longer. They won't go away anytime soon. What will happen — what is happening — is that my ability to choose for myself is increasing. I can choose to stay calm in more situations than ever before. I can choose to acknowledge a negative emotion as a signal that something is wrong, and I can choose how to respond to that signal from that place of calm rather than lashing out or wallowing in the negative emotion.
Instead of staying upset for minutes, hours, days, or longer, I've learned how to catch that negative emotion, understand the meaning behind it, and work with that meaning rather than be worked by it.
The challenges don't disappear, they just continue to lose power over me.
My training will continue, as will my journey towards self-mastery.
Helping Others Learn Self-Mastery
My experience navigating a panic attack last night is a microcosm of what comes from working on self-mastery, and I want to help others gain the same skill. Imagine being able to overpower that which for so long overpowered you. Like Neo raising a hand to stop a cloud of bullets in The Matrix with a single word: "no."
That is all I ever wanted as a coach: to share this skill, this commitment to life-long growth, this mastery with more of the world.
If you're interested in taking the next step on your own journey of self-mastery, DM me, put an appointment on my calendar, reach out to me any which way and let me know. It's my dream to help you experience the same kind of life-changing development that I'm experiencing.
Want to work with the person who wrote this post? Michael Reilly Peraza is a transformational life coach who helps people build the lives they want for themselves.
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